Film as Prayer

Dark Horseness: I have been calling to get meetings with funders for Larry and me. Also, Larry, Heather (our new UPM), Jules, our potential new accountant Jamie, Sean the DP, Tamia, and I will meet this Friday, about all sorts of stuff. We finally got a budget, (quite late), and are working to interpret it. I have been working hard on the script so we can send it out soon to actors. Just got done with three days of TPS General auditions, and may have found our kids (yay!). That’s the news today. We need money. Worried about that, and praying. Can't go forward if we are not fully-funded.

I keep hoping that the discouragement I feel about our money situation will be alleviated by a huge check or three coming in. But not today. At my writer's group meeting, at noon, we were all bummed about various things, and the gang encouraged me some. Good to talk it out with fellow strivers in this field. And they had some very good script comments, which I am grateful for. My heart will break into so many pieces if this movie does not go forward. I do not know how to cope with this idea. First the L.A. thing, now this deep financial trench . . . I am back on my 100% raw diet, and that is helping with the body stuff. I had been eating way too much refined carb, before, and other stuff not good for this body. Tallis has been gallant and hilarious, as always, bless him. He had a brilliant P/T conference, his last in Middle School. He wrote a heartbreakingly-lovely school paper, from his brother's POV, about autism and escaping into video games, where he can forget all the stress of coping with life. Tallis is in another movie, to be filmed next month. Theo has been very challenging tonight, in every way possible . . . I cried while doing the dishes. Thank God Terry is home to be there for all of us. Something has to break soon.

They chose someone else, which is both a great bummer and something of a relief, I guess. I would have liked to direct that movie, very much, but I think things are cleaner doing just "The Dark Horse". We progress, slowly. The script keeps getting revised, and we keep slowly adding key staff. But we need more money, and soon, if we are going to keep crewing up. Praying hard. It is a tough time to believe that all the money and staff will come together . . . holding on to faith.