Film as Prayer

14 1/2 hrs on set, and now (hopefully not too-many) hours of reports due, then back early tomorrow. It is going to be like that for the last two weeks of the shoot, I fear. But, while long, the day was wonderful. The actors playing Lazar, Wild William, and Arnold were with us today, as well as our beloved Dee, for her last day. I had a chance to get to know David, the incredibly-funny actor playing William. He is a hoot and a half; very approachable, no matter his fame (he's been in a zillion films).

But best of all, our 13-year-old son Tallis was on set today, playing one of the schoolkids. And he did marvellously; very focused and emotionally available. Rick even gave him a close-up, which he nailed in one. I was utterly proud and blessed to see his work. It was freezing cold, and the kids didn't whine for the many hours that they stood in the wind tunnel of Post Alley. Tallis even had to kneel down forever on the cold cobblestones to mourn the "dead" doggie (who then resurrected). No complaints. Bless his wonderful spirit.

Many of the kids spiked the camera (i.e. looked right into the lens), ruining the shot, or just couldn't get the emotion. Tallis was spot-on every time. As we wrapped the sequence up, Rick was bemoaning the unusable tape from much of the kid-coverage, and said "Well, at least we have Tallis' close-up to cover that." YAY!

He made me promise to tell Tallis that he did a fabulous job. I will if I ever see him!

Fighting something off, and praying to win. Many virii abound on set. And at home. Praying to stay healthy.

Tired, must get to reports. But very grateful for our wonderful actors and crew. A good day.

From the autism e-list today (slightly modified):

"And I will pray to God, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever--" (John 14:16, NKJ)

Sweet God,

Thank you for the Holy Spirit, who is our comforter and counselor, whose presence is constantly with us. Please cause our spirits to become very sensitive to the Holy Spirit within us. May the movie team become very aware of the Holy Spirit in their lives as well. Please minister to their needs in a way that they will be able to understand deep in their hearts. I thank you that you are able to do this every day of their lives.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen

Sat. morning -

This morning every part of me hurts. The house is loud with Theoness, and with more folks than usual (both Stan and Liz are here now, bless them). I intend to go to the chiropractor, to the vegan restaurant, and back home for a nap before I try to go see Bard.

Angry emails pulse in my inbox from several people to whom I owe things, some work-related, some not. I really don't have the energy to cope with non-film stuff, and yet I must. Hate that part. Give me a break, guys . . .

And let's not talk about the overdue bills . . .

I wish I felt better in the mornings. Uck.

Everything working together for good. Holding on to that.

Fabulousness abounds. We had a tiring, mysterious and magical day yesterday, our final day in Ballard, when the Art Department and the actors just shone. Dee did a shatteringly-lovely Final Lucille Scene in the Movie; a one-take wonder that had us all weeping with her - what a miracle that woman is.

Today we shot the 50's Truck Hit Scene on Queen Anne (I visited my children's memorial stone in the cemetery first, very cool, sad, perfect), then we moved down to Magnolia to Daybreak Star Indian Cultural Center for the absolutely glorious native dance footage. Wow, what an incredible sequence. It was all I could do to keep from leaping into the dance with them, I so wanted to. We boogied a bit after wrap with the drummers. Joy.

I had great fun, as they were shooting wild and basically unslated for about an hour, so I was free to watch and take pictures and rejoice in the color, light, and heartbeat rhythm of it all. Such an amazing sequence.

Rick did me the great honor of asking me to be present in the trailer while he recorded Cecil doing the voice-overs, then we filmed the three dance sequences.

My sweet baby brother Schuyler showed up for the last few scenes of the day, and it was pure joy catching up with him, showing him a little of my world, introducing him to folks, and having him watch the footage with us that they shot the first week. Incredible. I am so proud of the team; it came out really well. Schuyler said he's never seen better footage of Seattle, it made it look vibrant and bustling and alive. Robert and Sascha are radiant. How I wish we had seen footage of Dee; our miracle mom. She has only worked this week, of course, so it couldn't be ready yet.

He gave me good advice at the week-wrap party - keep trying, as I have been, to avoid annoying others about the smoke-allergy thing on set. Very good advice. I never want to be annoying to folks . . . I feel so bad about the fact that the smoke blowing at me actually makes me sick . . . I wish with every part of me that it didn't, believe me! I will continue to endeavor to be a mensch.

Praying to be sustained for two more weeks . . . we have been shooting 3 1/2 to 4 1/2 pages a day, and we need to nail 5 1/2 a day in the Alibi Room next week, so we are praying for a tight team effort, there.

And then the dairy farm. Hold our noses and jump. Geronimo!

"Thanks be to God, I have lived to see this day", as the Bible says. I am so glad I stayed. Many thanks owed to beloved praying folks, for lifting the project up to heaven. It is working! Two more weeks!

Hoping to see Bard tomorrow, and to glom with the fam on Sunday.

Good night . . .

Praise be to God, I seem to be holding my own. Many people have told me that they have been praying for me, and I believe it, because I'm doing better. The last two days have been great. While I did let a tear slide down my face, inadvertently, Monday night (because I had blown a continuity), all in all I seem to be holding my own. Rick is, as I've said, the kindest and most generous of directors. I have never worked for someone who handles stress as well as he does. Even when he's about to lose it (and there have been a few frustrating times) he never blows his stack. This astounds me.

According to my daily progress report, we are getting it done. Yesterday (Wednesday) was our middle day: day 13 of 25. While we have some very challenging days ahead, out at the dairy, at night, we have at this point shot more pages than we have left to shoot. Big sigh of relief.

Terry and his mother are holding down the fort at home brilliantly, even though Terry has a horrendous cold and opens a show next week. Once again he is typing this as I drive to work! I married a prince.

The last two days we have spent in Ballard, shooting the flower-shop set. Mom's Indian artifacts, thanks to Rick's generosity, were prominently displayed. I met Rick's parents and sister yesterday. They are joy-bringers just like he is. His sweet, generous mother sat in a chair and watched her son work. Now I have an idea of why he is so kind to MY mother.

The long hours, lack of sleep, physical woes, and stress, will hopefully be worth it in the end. It really helps that I got to tuck Theo in last night and the night before. I miss my family so much. But only twelve more days of shooting. I am cautiously optimistic that I will make it, due to the support of all the prayerful angels in my life.

Made it totally on God's grace and the prayers of beloveds. Wow. It is so true that when I am weakest, God is most free to act. Maybe more of "me" is out of the way, or something. An old story, but still true.

Dee, who has been in something like 80 movies and shows, spent her first day on set wow-ing us all with her grace, talent, and professionalism. She started with her very hardest scene, the one where she basically says goodbye to her son, and it was luminous. Every time. What a lovely, lovely woman.

She has an acting school in L.A. that I would absolutely go to if I lived there.

The miracle of today was that we Video Village folk spent it mostly indoors, which meant that I wasn't inundated with smokers, YAAAY! During one lull, Rick put in a call to my Mom, which was utterly sweet, and Mom harangued him a bit about my health and the smokers, and Rick listened patiently. Rick was a bit sobered. But he didn't tell me what she said. He just said that she is concerned for me.

Oh my.

Got in at nearly 10, have a 7:30 call tomorrow, must do Continuity. Very tired.

I blew several huge Continuity things today, but Rick as usual didn't take it out of my hide. Glasses and clocks and a pile of boxes . . . AGH!

But I made it. Gives new meaning to the phrase "One day at a time." That is how I am going to finish this, if I am. Moment by moment. Lord, have mercy.

Looks like that is exactly what was happening today.

Tomorrow we are in Ballard, on the Indian Paintbrush set. Really looking forward to another indoor day.


Here's my (ahem) somewhat appropriate e-prayer, that arrived in my inbox today from Children of Destiny, the autism support site for people of faith:

Loving God,

Thank you that you have given us the wonderful gift of prayer. We thank you for longing to communicate with us. Your gift of prayer allows us to pour our hearts out to you, in both good and the bad times. It is the path toward knowing you on a level that is otherwise impossible. It gives us a way to praise you and honor you in our hearts. It helps us to remember that you are constantly with us in all we face. Lord, in the night seasons that seem so dark and endless, help us to always remember to pray. Help us to gain great comfort and strength from calling on your name. Help us to gain strategy for moving through the night season that will eventually lead us into a new, bright day. And help us to know how deeply you love and care for us.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen

I don't know how I am going to make it for a 7 a.m. morning tomorrow. I am bone weary, and since Shefskie (props) called with a nervous question, I know I blew it AGAIN on the glasses - "Charlie" should have had them on in the closet.

I saw my Mom tonight, we had dinner at her house, for the first time in weeks. I normally see her every weekend and several visits in between, and call every day. She is in great pain and I am not there for her, though I did find her Beth to help out.

Terry is sick with a cold for his tech week, Liz is here to try to help, and Theo is saying terrible things to me, as he does to express his anger, I have a throat thing going on and I don't know how I am going to face this week, which is only Week Three.

God, please give me strength . . .

I want so badly to "run the race" all the way to the end . . . I feel supremely incapable of it.

I knew it would be difficult, months ago. All good things are. I just didn't think I would fall apart quite this hard.

If only the smokers would relent . . . but they are off duty when I am working, and stuck to one place. And they deserve their break . . .

Back to work. Evil Continuity photos.

Saturday after dinner -

I am very flared-up with fibromyalgia, very depressed, very exhausted, really thinking of quitting. Though I have my uses on set, and Rick has given me the opportunity of a lifetime, and I am heartsick over the very thought, I don't think my body can do it, not with the smoke that I have to breathe every day - no choice. People think that because we're outside, they can just smoke everywhere. They think I am just being persnickety. Even Rick, once, yesterday, in the Video Village booth, when I begged for smoking folks to move right before a shot, said "Focus!". Really hurt me. They can't know what it is doing to my bod, not having MCS themselves. I have asked and asked and asked for them to move further away . . . they don't, or else they do, a couple of feet, and the prevailing winds get me every time.

I am sick.

Slept in (duh), took Theo to the chiropractor with me, and to the vegan restaurant, then home to crash for a three-hour nap. Still hurt like all get-out.

This industry is for the young.

The family is behind the door; I am sequestered in the dining room, which I have strewn with Scriptie stuff, I am beyond being able to cope with anything, and keep bursting into tears all the time in private; I am grieving the need to leave, but see very little option.

It is a great gift, working on this film, but not if it destroys my health and sanity and family.

I am too upset to pray, but Terry asks if we can pray together after the kids are asleep before I send any emails or make any calls. I feel I owe it to them to get a replacement soon if I do this.

Hurting inside and out. Have gained five or so pounds, due to available junk food all day at Craftie; it's cold so I want to eat warm food; even (GACK) ate pizza twice just because I was so hungry and it was there.

How can I make it for three more weeks?

Don't think I can.

Oh my . . . I ache in every portion of me, some that I didn't know I had, and not just physically. Many tears were shed today, mostly privately, but once on Sascha.

I blew it once yesterday and three times today, Continuity-Wise. Continuity is a very tough job, and the clouds of cigarette smoke that I have to breathe daily are making me sicker and sicker . . . Today I let Rick down and embarrassed myself, and though I made two potentially-good acting-coach calls when asked by Rick, which he took, and ran, with I missed the coat that should have been hanging on the wall, the Stranger Box substitution, and the costume change. Not to mention the black door on the the first day at this location. (And several mis-slates due to inexperience on Days 1 and 2, and not being there for blocking too many times so that Matthew had to call for me, because I was doing the other part of my job, taking Continuity pictures . . .) I am too tired to think, it's 1:20 am and I just got in the door . . . I am very upset with myself and mad that I had to stay and do reports when almost everyone else went home . . . even the guy who made me stay went home . . . and they won't be photocopying them until Monday morning, I know it . . . AGH! I ate very bad food at the end too . . . and got razzed by everyone, because of my vegan status . . .

I hate how I feel tonight. Horrible. Like a failure. Everyone was so very nice to me about it, even Rick and Matthew, who both had to correct me, gently . . . I almost wanted them to yell at me, it was sort of heaping coals on my head.

They are very good to me.

Gerard, the doll, said that there is no harder job than Continuity, and that we always get blamed. He said that I should talk to Babs (famous Scriptie in town) after the show. And that Art and Costume should have caught the things, which is true; they should have, but so should I have.

I don't know if I can keep this up.

Must go to bed. Digestion a mess too.

My mother-in-law arrived for two weeks today, to care for Theo during Terry and Tallis' tech week and opening.

I hope they let me sleep in, she is not always aware of how much noise Theo can make . . . and her presence makes the house quite crowded, to say the least. While I am grateful for her help, it is challenging in other ways.

AGH!

If you are one of the nice folks who is praying for me, as it occurs to you, I can only say thank you from the bottom of my heart. That is how I am getting though this, God's grace and the prayers of loving friends. I fully know that. I am not physically capable of what I am doing. It is a miracle.

And . . . there is one person on the crew who pushes every button I have. I try to have compassion for that person, but they get me so steamed that sometimes I react with coldness or with a less-than-kind word. It is not a good situation.

Please, if you feel like it, pray that I can let junk wash over me and not affect me, and that I can be like Rick, who is unfailingly nice to everyone, no matter how irritating.

He's even nice to ME.

Thanks so much . . .

We had fun dodging raindrops on Queen Anne Hill, with many white tents, and wet and cold people, although I was blessed, in so many ways, to be inside most of the day sitting next to Rick in Video Village. The apartment the company's rented to 'play' Charlie's apartment is very very small, and so only key personnel were allowed in. The art kids were key today, and it was a VERY Continuity-heavy day. I got in trouble a couple of times for not being up to snuff. At one point, Rick said "Reports should always be secondary to continuity", and told me to stay on top of the art kids, especially relating to clocks and calendars (and doors; I didn't catch the Black Door Substitution yesterday, and it was in the big Garage Sale scene . . . ACK!).

But tonight, on our one and only night scene (that of course took several hours to do); Bessie and Charlie's first almost-kiss scene, a wonderful thing happened. After the first two takes, I dared to walk out to where Rick was standing and quietly whisper "Does the heavy breathing make it sound too sexy? What if it were toned down, more subtle?" He asked to think for a minute, walked away, and came back 20 second later saying that I was "absolutely right", and thanking me. He went to give the actors the adjustment. He came back, sat down, we filmed the scene, and it rocked. Sweet, not pantingly sexy. He thanked me, quietly, but in front of all the Video Village lurkers. Then he thanked me again later, and told me to always ask him directorial questions like that, because it really made the scene better.

Blush. That has happened a few times, but never as deliciously as tonight. I knew that for some odd reason he valued my opinion, but this really confirmed it.

Earlier, this afternoon, when we were filming the scene when Charlie was hunched in his living room, terrified, and then fled on all fours into the closet, Rick wasn't getting what he wanted, so I quietly suggested an adjustment: what if he had to sneak out, to avoid the "attacker" hearing him. And Rick got his take. It made me feel very happy.

Yay. Utter gratitude to God and to Rick for giving me this chance.

Talking to John the Producer, about a potential movie next fall, he said that he would consider producing it, but that I should direct my own material, it's better that way, and Rick is probably booked anyway.

We shot some wonderful scenes today. It was delicate work for lead actor Robert, and he just shone in every scene. He astounds me. Every scene is better than the last. This kid so rocks that it astonishes us.

It is a gift getting to know various Seattle neighborhoods like this, by living outdoors in them. I am getting to know my city in a very intimate way. And I know I will be nostalgic for this and say "That's where we filmed Charlie's apartment . . ."

There have been major tragedies in the lives of crew members, two funerals this week, and a near-accident . . . I am blessed to feel fairly okay today. Though exhausted, I am upheld by angels, I know it.

Must do reports, it was a late night and will be evern later tomorrow. And then the weekend . . . ahh. I crave sleep more than air.

Oh, and as we found out today, joyfully, we are cast, finally! We got Dee (famous actress) to play Charlie's Mom! Yay!

Had a great cuddle with Theo, trying to put him to bed an hour and a half past his bedtime, the sitter could n’t get him to sleep . . .

I am running out the door right now to work, got in at ten, did Continuity photos till 12, but yesterday was fabulous . . . It was 60 degrees for the middle part of the day. Unbelievably, we actually took off our coats. It was the first day at Charlie's apartment, and we did lots of outdoor scenes, the massive garage-sale scene, and various and sundry arty shots, including a stunning one of Charlie's face reflected in a clock on the ceiling--it took my breath away. We have a base camp in a beautiful old Queen Anne house slated for distruction. They are going to build 5 condos there, because of the million-dollar view--so we are the house's swan song. We are at this location for four days, our longest at any one place, excepting the Alibi Room and the farm. It's wonderful to have a sense of the neighborhood, and many of the neighbors are intrigued by what we are doing. I think the Locations Dept has done a marvelous job, especially at fielding questions about the movie. Everybody wants to know what we are doing. It reminds me what a privilege it is to be spending these hours working for this team. While I miss my family with an ache that is indescribable, I am very grateful to be on this show.

Last night I missed Theo's bedtime, and it tore me up. When the sitter told Theo both Terry and I were working late, Theo burst into tears, yelling, "Not again!" This is very unusual for him, as he has mostly been quite excited to get to "play with friends" in the evenings. I look forward to a weekend of doing very little except being with my precious three.

This is growing to be a very tight-knit community. It seems (although I may be misremembering) to be even tighter than a theater production. Perhaps it's the mutual suffering, and the long hours, and the living outside. But I am really starting to bond with these people.

Many thanks to Terry for (1) supporting me in doing this, (2) taking dictation for this journal entry as I drive to work.

Day 7 of Shooting - - Yesterday, all day, we were outside, 7am-6:30pm day. First it drizzled, then it poured. Cats and dogs. Miserable. But we shot anyway, though we do owe two scenes that Rick didn't get. Did the last one inside the dusty/moldy record store. Lovely shot, poor air quality. Had to drag out the mask, to the ridicule of the grips.

The camera stayed dry due to Tamia's and Angie's perseverance and skill.

I stayed mostly dry next to the monitor (lucky me) and paid for it with report duty in the MoHo when nearly everyone else went home . . . many hours later I finally dragged out . . .

Only a 12-hour shooting day, a new thing (plus reports of course for me). Fell into bed at 9 cuddled with Theo, who, due to Mom-deficit, begged to sleep in the big bed. Woke early to do my paperwork.

Now must rush to the set.

I hope to write in here, and plan to every night, but exhaustion gets me every time . . .

No matter what, I am NOT working this weekend!!!!!

so tired . . . scratchy throat . . . but we are getting fabulous stuff . . . Rick asked me for directing stuff again in the record store, and I made three or four good Continuity calls . . . one I didn't know though . . . agh . .

Sunday 1.16.05

Okay, I lied, I can’t catch up this journal right now. I worked this weekend (lots of paperwork, dance rehearsal with Julie, Robert, Seraphina, Sascha, and Rick at the end; catching up on Continuity photos; fishing with Robert and the fam) and it’s 11pm, and I have to get up at 6, and I can’t write about the last few days! Agh!

So sorry. I really want to talk about filming at the cemetery with Jeff Steitzer (sadness welling up all the time re: losing Dad, and the babies), and the mausoleum (surrounded by urns of ashes, remembering Dad's sinking down into the sea), and how fun it was to have Terry on set for the clothing store (so proud of him, what a fabulous actor) . . .

Tomorrow I will try to catch up. It is going to be a fabulous day, as we will be filming at the Community Center, and there will be lots of dancing! We will see the waltz that I have worked so hard on with Julie and the leads.

Goodnight, please forgive this tired girl, I got up at 4:30 to pick Robert up to go fishing . . . lovely, but no nap . . . TIRED!

Just got in. Our "Martini" shot (known as a "Window" in Canada, as we learned tonight from excellent 1st A.D. Matthew) was at 1:30 a.m., and the load-out took awhile, and then the Camera Dept. had a beer on the street with "Mr. Sundance", Sean Kirby, who showed up at the wrap because he had just wrapped his final color correction on "Police Beat", which is going to Sundance next week. and he with it. Many of the crew had worked with him on "Police Beat" (then called "Cascadia"), so that was a blast.

A truly wonderful day (Except for the fact that I forgot my Scriptboy smart clipboard that feeds me the timecode, and had to have Terry fetch it . . .).

As guest artists, we had Jeff Steitzer, Cynthia Geary, and the great Terry Moore. All very fun little Under-Fives. It was a dream having my husband on set (and seeing him in those luscious Barcelino clothes, yum!). When I could be with him! Much of the time that we were at Evergreen-Washelli, he was in makeup or hair and I was working. We got to him five hours after his call time, and he has an all-day runthrough tomorrow of "Enemy of the People". Sigh.

Crystal's help has been invaluable. She timed the script, and several times I have been asked for timing, and if I hadn't had that I would have been toasted. Tonight I learned from Rick that he might want me to line the script, which is not what Rob the Editor told me the other day at the Cancer Clinic set, so boo-hoo. But I will cope. I hope.

Now I really do have to go to bed. I am actually working for a few hours of dance rehearsal tomorrow. and there are the reports to do . . . in the morn.

I am so sorry I have not written in three days. I will this weekend. Yesterday was a 17-hour day because of my paperwork, which I hope I now have a better handle on. Life is good. I love the crew, I love the project, I love what we are getting. Yesterday, when Rick was watching one shot, he said to Bruce, "Independent Spirit Award, man!" I completely agree--not to jinx anything, but I think it's going to be amazing.

Must run to work. More this weekend. Praise God, I think I will work fewer hours as I get more efficient as a scriptie

Huge sigh of relief and exhaustion. It went well. We shot nearly 4 pages, which was what we were hoping to get. Had to leave off a scheduled scene or two.I had one hour's sleep because I literally was useless sitting at the table, even though I was far from fully-prepped, then I drove out in the truck at 6-something for our rendezvous at 7. Got there at 6: 50, and caught a ride up the hill from Base Camp (MoHo Land) at Gasworks Park, to the Fremont Troll, where the first half of the day was to be shot.

It was freezing, with a lovely light wind to spice things up. BRRRR.

But (and thank you, kind ones who were praying for us) it didn't snow!!!!! There was much relief. The sun actually came out at various times (making Continuity interesting). In my home neighborhood, snow was all over on the ground. But miraculously, at the Troll, it wasn't. So we didn't have to try to remove/melt it or some wierd thing.

We got some lovely stuff at the Troll. Various wonderful investors came to visit the set on our first day, which was fun. (One had a Hasselblad digital camera that took the most glorious pictures . . . covet!). The worst part was that there was nowhere to pee on the hill, so until enterprising P.A. Ian got the idea to ask a local church, we just held it for five hours. Fun.

I made three major blunders today, the worst being that I mis-slated a whole sequence (oof!). Adn I do NOT have the knack of simultanously watching timecode flash by and doing the stopwatch (which I am still learning how to use). Our timecode does not stop, it just keeps going. Hard to catch.

Lunch was pasta and bread and salad, and though I started out virtuously with just a salad, I couldn't stand it and gave in for the full deal. It was just so very cold. My toes are still not thawed at 8 p.m., and I've been home half an hour.

My good friend Tamia, from the New York shoot, is our First A.C., which is a delight. Also Elijah is Sound Guy for now. It's fun to see old familiar faces. (And Tallis and I ran into Sean, my D.P. friend, outside the NWFF when Tallis was doing his Guy Maddin audition last week). Old home week.

After lunch we moved onto the Gasworks lawn to shoot a very funny truck chase scene, then up on top of the hill to shoot the very-romantic (and utterly frigidly-windy) scenic mushy scenes of Seattle at magic hour. It was everything a director could have wished for, and Rick was very very happy. Yay!

Tom the famous actor, my teacher from from TheFilmSchool, and George the amazing writer, showed up for the sunset stuff (sunset being 4pm), but they didn't stay long. Though Tom was very generous and kind to me (typical of him, the sweetheart), coming over to me and giving me a kiss and hug, and saying how great it was that I was involved, something about my "lively spirit" being an asset or somthing. Well, blush. We talked about my Prodigy Camp work too.

The wind was quite bracing. The poor actors were shaking with cold in between sessions in their warming coats. Bless them.

But we got it done. We didn't "make our day" in terms of all that was scheduled, but we did shoot everything we attempted, which rocks.

Rick and I got very silly toward the end of the night. In a moment of pause, I looked over to him and said in an Elmer Fudd-type voice, “Rick, are aw youw dweams coming twue?” And he joined right in about his “dweam.” But it is a dream for him, and I am very happy that we had such a good first day.

Some guys are making a “Making Of” Doc, and they had a good day too.

I am way overwhelmed with all the paperwork. Oh, my. I sat in Rick's trailer (ahh) after we wrapped and finished up my paperwork (only it's still not done, that's what I am about to work on now).

Poor, wonderful Crystal stayed up very late helping me time out the script, after a Major Weekend, and on top of her hours yesterday. I would never have gotten to it, and Matthew really wanted it today.

But it is fine to do tomorrow. They are giving me grace, on my first day, to turn in today's paperwork in the morning, as I still have a bit to do on it. After my marathon, all I want to do it take my little red windblown face to bed. But I had better get it done, or it will be way worse tomorrow.

We are shooting! I still can't believe it.

It is very exciting. I am grateful, awed, and humbled by the trust Rick is placing in me. Which I had better make good on. So I can finally sleeeep . . .

Here we are, doing pink pages, Crystal, her son Stewart, wonderful new P.A. Dan, and me. I just finished a several-hours dance rehearsal with Julie and Robert and Sascha, wrote down the choreography, printed it out, printed out all Rick's changes, printed out his alternative scene, and got them to Heather's desk.

Now I am trying hard not to gag from the fumes from the Art Dept. - I have my mask on but I still am feeling them. EEEW. I am waiting because I am Robert and Sascha's ride home. I am a teamster too!

Hooray for independent film!

Of course the kids rejoiced, loudly, and pulled Terry out into it immediately. I wish I had the same innocent thrill at the thought of snow.

I want to, as Rick emailed this morning, "make snow angels".

But I also have to figure out how to get myself, as well as the actors/choreographer/volu nteer, to work today at the office . . . or not, but if not, then when will we rehearse?

Dilemma . . . I was also counting on those volunteer hours to help me get the continuity prep work done . . .

Lord, have mercy.

It is so very minor in the grand scheme of things, I know. It's just what's on my plate today.

Trying not to worry about tomorrow's shoot. That's Biblical . . .

(tBlog was down for a day, and it bugged me . . . back up now.)

Julie, my utterly fabulous ballerina/actress friend, whom I met through Meg long ago, had a brilliant dance rehearsal yesterday with Sascha and Robert, our two stars, and little Seraphina. It was pure, pure joy to watch (and photograph) Julie with her gracious, brilliant, loving, gentle, funny way of teaching them, and to see the perfect choreography she has set on them. Oh, such a joy. I got to actually leave the office whirl and go into the kitchen/reahearsal room to watch a rehearsal. A great privelege. This was possible because Crystal the Ever-Helpful and Calm was saving my butt outside in the office, covering for me. Yay.

They want me to sort of "ghost" Julie, just in case her PNB teaching/school life calls her away from the set some day when we need her there. I am kind of an insurance, trying to learn their choreography too. But she generously included me in the rehearsal process, even inviting me to comment now and then. I may have made one too many comments, but they were all to say how great it looked. Because it did. Yay! The movie is so much about the transformative power of dance that these scenes have to be great.

It is a sweet, heart-filled dance. I can't wait to see what she does with the Seniors and Kids in their scenes too . . . we are privileged to have her. And she's going to be an extra for us too! Life is good.

Right now I am actually home on this Saturday night, having spent the day on my Continuity Breakdown (with Terry's help to type part of it when my hands gave out, bless him).

Rick just sent me a new script that didn't come through properly, so in addition to lining my script (which should relaly take days!) and doing the five or six other major tasks that I need to do in the next 36 hours, I have to go back to a rehearsal tomorrow for the dancers at the office, as well as re-doing the script pages for Rick. Ho, Sleep? What's that?

But even though I was in Manic Exhausted Work Mode today, I still heard Theo playing with Dana and Karin in the next room, and was there for Tallis to help him design a game scenario that was actually funny, for Theo cuddles, for dinner, for the momentous losing of the front tooth that has been hanging on for a month . . . a delicious luxury, to be here. I miss it so!

And I will be very excited to leave for the set at (groan) six a.m. Monday. But I will also be terrified, as I know so little of what I am doing, and haven't had the time to cram like I had hoped . . .

God, thanks for today, and please give me strength to get the MAJOR stuff done, at least, in time for shooting . . .

I am very scared that I am going to look like a complete fool, and let Rick down.

Terry and I tried to make the little portable digital printer work, but of course it is way to complex for humans to understand . . . I may just go back to Polaroids. Easier.

Today is the most intense yet, even more than yesterday . . . very little sleep. . . finger and wrist hurt . . . barely awake, grumpy . . . more instructions from Matthew about what he wants me to do before we shoot will mean way more work this weekend, but he's right about needing to prep backwards and forwards . . . wonderful Crystal is helping me out down here today, so I'm not totally panicking (had to steal her from Heather, but paid Heather back with lovely Sarah the new P.A.) . . . God bless us all . . . everyone running madly everywhere . . . copier jams seem ironed out . . .six or seven new faces today . . . Julie is rehearsing the dances that I was supposed to have choreographed . . . wistful that I'm not doing it, but grateful for her amazing talent . . .

back to it . . .

But now the real work begins. Today was a typical zoo at the office, and there is a Mysterious Crisis that has the big bosses very upset and worried. I am guessing it is something about casting, because they were sequestered in the office for a very long time. Much tension. We have one more day of prep, and then two days 'off", and then we film on Monday. WHEW!

Heather and I had a good schmooze after the place cleared out around 8. Man I love that woman. What a honey. And what a very tight ship she runs. I would really love to work with her again sometime. Here' s hoping.

So this is the situation. I am in major trouble, time-wise. Still way behind. I need a body miracle to make it through.

I spent the whole morning on Prodigy Camp stuff, and got to the office this afternoon, after taking Tallis to his big-deal audition for the new Guy Maddin movie that The Film Company is doing. I love that the casting director at ACT recommended him for it. Half of his jobs have come from recommendations, or people seeing his plays, which is so fun for him. He was really brilliant in the audition, too. But then I am a hair biased. It would conflict with some other things he has on for the Spring, so it's iffy, even if they do offer it.

Anyway, we pulled in after most folks had been working for hours, but nobody was upset, as they know that I am on night patrol these days. As long as it gets done, it doesn't matter WHEN it's done, according to wonderful, wonderful Matthew (1st AD). Tallis sat and did math homework and watched me be manic and met everyone who came over. It was gloriously fun to have him there. He kept doing funny little asides that made me crack up, bless him. Karin came to pick him up at 6:30 and I hated to see him go.

I made more pictures for our Wall of Fame, but now I'm all out of photo paper.

Scott (2nd AD) came over and warned me that my Continuity meeting at 8 am tomorrow was to be moved up to tonight. My heart fell to my feet. Oh, no. SO not ready! He said one of the things they were discussing was how to take some of my work off of me and give it to others. I felt like crying. I just CAN'T let Rick and the team down . . . Scott, the sweetie, said that it would be okay, Matthew wasn'y mad.

Tallis sat beside me as I was sucked into the routine of answering calls, answering questions, and copying scripts (this time for ME, the final shooting script that I take notes in, at last, yay).

Looks like brilliant Tamia will be our First AC, which rocks, because she does.

Then Matthew got back from wherever he was, and I began to be nervous. When he came over, I began by apologizing for being so far behind, but he just wanted to clarify how things would go on set. He asked if I have ever filmed before, kindly, and I said just shorts. He was gracious and kind, and said that most of all he just wanted there to be good communication, always, on set and off. I apologized one more time, and he told me not to be too hard on myself. God bless that man.

But I must get it done tonight.

Much more to tell, but should get to it. Tomorrow Crystal and Sarah will be there to volunteer and help us with our last prep day, then tomorrow night is the cast/crew party. Then the weekend, then we shoot. Whew.

After most-of-night typing, my right wrist, the long-sprained and un-healed one I still wear a brace for when I can find it, is on fire, as is the broken finger.

Typing this with my left hand, also sore-ish wth fibro.

Don't know how to proceed . . .

Very worried.

Wed. night/Thursday morning . . .

1:30 a.m., frozen toes, listening to KCMS on the net, singing along in the empty cold space, coat on, and I finally got Rick’s shot list done. I aim to sequester myself at home tomorrow so they can’t get to me, and do my breakdowns. Finally!

We shall see . . . it’s a tad scary leaving here at this hour . . . hope those nice angels are right outside the door with those protective cloaks, especially if it’s icy driving home . . . my broken pinkie finger and sprained wrist are horribly sore after all these hours of typing, and the fibromylagia is way way up.

I am very proud of these 25 pages of our future plans, though . . . very exciting.

Please, God, let my body get sleep so that it can heal. Please heal my hand and finger so I can do the work You are calling me to do . . . I am so very broken.

A very nice organization I belong to, MFI (Media Fellowship International, which is a great bunch of folks, all people of faith, who get together monthly to pray) asked me what they could pray about for our show. Here's what I wrote to them:

"Thank you for offering to pray for our film. It is a comedy about death, written and directed by Rick, a producer/director here in Seattle (who happens to be a Christian, though he doesn't advertize that, he's private about personal things). Bless you, we could really use prayers! I, personally, am recovering from a serious illness, and the very long hours are beginning to show major wear and tear on my body. And we haven't yet begun to shoot! That starts Monday, and goes for five weeks, in January and February weather. If I may be specific, I need prayers for the strengthening of my organs, endocrine system, and for the healing of my bad insomnia.

I am both Script Supervisor and Director's Assistant on this show, and that is a whale of a lot of work. I need prayers that I won't let Rick down; that I will be given Heaven's supernatural grace and power to become physically and mentally able to carry the load. I know that in my weakness, God is strong, but this is getting ridiculous!!!

For the production; that God will divinely inspire the team.

For harmony among the crew. Conditions will be inclement, and we will suffer. I pray that we will be bonded by the stress and not driven into grumpiness and wierdness. Hey, it's possible; miracles happen!

We are all working for very little, or no, money, on this low-budget shoot. That may also be troubling to many. Rick and his partners at TheFilmSchool are trying for nothing less than a revitalization of Seattle's indie movie scene. They are trying to produce 10 movies in 5 years. More power to them, say I."



So we will gratefully accept any prayers, smiles, and good wishes that may come our way from the wonderful people reading this blog . . . and have I mentioned that I am very grateful that you are doing that?

It has been nothing short of epic lately. I had barely recovered from my late-night script revision/duplication extravaganza on Monday (I got to bed at 4 a.m.) when I had to do an intense morning (assisted by Terry, the best husband in the world) in getting out major stuff for Prodigy Camp, the July camp for gifted filmmakers ages 12-18 that I am trying to put together for Rick. In my copious spare time.

Then to the office to get Rick to sign things, and to attempt to begin his shot list for him (in my Director's Assistant role). Which means that once again I have not begin my Scriptie breakdowns. It is my only 'paid' week of prep. It is Wednesday. I am very late to begin.

Today we met the gorgeous and very personable lead actors, Sacha and Robert, and did costume fittings and camera tests with them. Very exciting, very busy, as the kitchen was transformed into hair/makeup/wardrobe/ film studio. Thank God this office is so big. I am very grateful that I was able to find an 8000 square foot facility, for so little money. It sure feels crowded now with everyone here! All fighting for desks, especially the ten new hires, all expecting their own desk and there ain't any left. Hey, I did my best.

They all want me to take their pictures and put them on desks to label their space as theirs, like the folks who have been here for a month or so. So I spent a few precious hors doing THAT today.

Sent more scripts out to famous actresses, how fun, wish they would take the job . . .

I just saw on our very first Call Sheet, issued today, that there is an AD/Continuity meeting at 8:30 Friday morning. I have to have all my prep work done by then. Which is patently impossible.

Lord, have mercy.

Deadlines are our friends, eh? Yeah, right.

I am also praying for weather. They say it is going to snow on our first few days. Please, God, if there is any way for that not to happen . . .

Must. Get. Snow. Boots.

Man, it’s freezing in here. Arctic air blowing in through the window cracks. So worried about Monday. How can I write all those notes with freezing fingers?

And I am praying, hard, that I don't have another serious bout of insomnia, like I did last night. I have never needed sleep more than I do now. And it is elusive. My healing prayer person, lovely Leta, says it's stress. Yup. I am back on the brain chemical supplements as of this morning. Here's hoping . . .

The second production meeting yesterday started late, was very long, and went late. Five or six hours long, and even though I was sitting next to Rick, and giggling at all of his jokes, throughout, I had to fight and fight to stay awake. I am amazed at the technical difficulty that this show is undertaking. Especially the last show. WOW. How we are going to get a 360 degree shot, with the actors on top of the supertanker truck, with the effects that they want, with lighting instruments covered, at night, and liquid falling . . . oh . . . I have so very much respect for Charlie and the Art Department. They are working harder than even ME! and that is saying a great deal.

Back to it.

Today was amazing. Still is. I got to work at 7:45 in time to hit the tech scout vans with the rest of the team. And we spent a merry, very cold day exploring locations. Done at 6, back to the office, where I have worked since. It is now 2:30 a.m., and I'm not done yet. And I didn't get all that I needed to do, done. And won't; too exhausted. Big day tomorrow too.

My pain level is high.

Back to it.

In the "Week in Which We Weren't Supposed to Be Working", between the holidays, I went in for three of the days, to try to get my head above water. In my copious spare time (weekends), I have been running on the gerbil wheel of the OTHER movie's pre-pro, but I am about to hand that over to my dear husband, who is taking over my acting coach duties for them.

But what a privilege it is to be playing in these lovely sandboxes. God is very good to me.

Both Crystal and Tish are giving me some help next week, which may help me to catch up. Phew.

Tech scout leaves at 8 sharp on Monday, so I have to try to get to bed (ha!) tonight to try to get my bod back on early-rising time.

Crazy times. But we did manage to get to Vashon for our 15th Wedding Anniversary (quite a feat for two artists, no?), and I only worked on the phone in the car/ferry on the way there, and on the way back. For 12 hours on the island it was about Terry. He gave me the best present, which I have been bugging him for all year; pictures from his last few shows (several of which involved Tallis of course). Now I can upload them to my website, once I get them scanned. Glee.

And we had a wonderful New Year's party, crepes and White Elephants, with the usual suspects in attendance, sleepy and fun and un-racous. Us all over. So good to see my dears before I don't see them for two months . . .

It's good to clean the public sections of the house now and then . . . sigh.