Film as Prayer

We finished our first week of filming!!! And it was for the most part fabulous. We got almost everything we needed, only owing a bit that we will shoot on cool neighbor Carol's place. I can't believe I have no time to write in here, but I am always running or on the phone, it seems. We shot four days on the island, four precious days on the beloved farm. That's all we had. But the team was incredible, and we made our days (only losing the cemetery scene, saving it for later . . .). This is the best crew I ahve ever worked with on any film. Cameraderie, work ethic, brilliance, longsuffering with no complaints . . . they utterly bless me. I could not be more grateful for them. They are making the dream real . . . I had to keep pinching myself to remind myself that after two and a half years of planning, it was really happening! And on the island, on my favorite land in the world! The crew began calling it "Camp Dark Horse" because it was so lovely. Several verifiable miracles occurred. One time we were setting up for a scene, rehearsing it, actors in the wrong clothes, and this light hit them - they looked like Botticelli angels. The DP and I looked at each other. It was ten minutes to lunch. Could we? We asked everyone present, threw different clothes on them (thanks to Tamia) and went into crazed get-it-done mode, and two takes later, we had our miracle shot. Two takes, and then we had to go to lunch. I was weeping with gratitude, because before that happened we had been over an hour behind schedule. The fight scene went well with Finn and Bran both bravely smacking into each other for hours. The divers-with-seal puppets spent a ling time under water, and it was variously useful, but I think we got stuff to use at the end. The Finn and Cathy kissing scene, the beach scene with the kids, and the Steadicam shot by the old chimney for the Lower Cabin went pretty well. But the breathtaking one was my favorite scene in the movie, the "It's just dirt" scene of Dana and Fiach dancing on the rock. We covered it with two cameras because it was so important to me. And we GOT IT!!! I am more relieved than I can say. And quite tired. And madly trying to raise the last money to finish the movie . . . please pray, if you are so inclined. I need the help . . .

Again, I apologize for the never-writing-in-here thing. I am working 18 hour days (or more) trying to put this movie together. And there are, um, challenges. To say the least. However, we are shooting May 22!!!!! We just need to raise more money . . . If you have a spare prayer lying around, please pray that we make our full budget, and soon . . . Last time I did a feature, I was able to write almost daily in this blog about the process of filming. But then I was the scriptie/director's assistant. Now I am the writer/director/producer. The final, locked version of the script is due tomorrow before the A.D. department attacks. And I have taken on a co-writer these last three weeks, to bail me out of "This isn't ready to shoot" hell. I am praying on my knees for money . . . Trying to trust in God and not to panic. But things are very panicky around the (beautiful, non-basement) office. The budget was finally finalized yesterday, and we are all gulping. If you know any rich people . . . We need a miracle. www.thedarkhorsemovie.com

I am pleased to report that we are actually funded (halfway, praying for more) and are going to shoot this movie! I am sorry that I haven't written in here for months, as I have been so very busy, working many more hours that I can report. But it is HAPPENING! Please check our website: www.thedarkhorsemovie.com

Dark Horseness: I have been calling to get meetings with funders for Larry and me. Also, Larry, Heather (our new UPM), Jules, our potential new accountant Jamie, Sean the DP, Tamia, and I will meet this Friday, about all sorts of stuff. We finally got a budget, (quite late), and are working to interpret it. I have been working hard on the script so we can send it out soon to actors. Just got done with three days of TPS General auditions, and may have found our kids (yay!). That’s the news today. We need money. Worried about that, and praying. Can't go forward if we are not fully-funded.

I keep hoping that the discouragement I feel about our money situation will be alleviated by a huge check or three coming in. But not today. At my writer's group meeting, at noon, we were all bummed about various things, and the gang encouraged me some. Good to talk it out with fellow strivers in this field. And they had some very good script comments, which I am grateful for. My heart will break into so many pieces if this movie does not go forward. I do not know how to cope with this idea. First the L.A. thing, now this deep financial trench . . . I am back on my 100% raw diet, and that is helping with the body stuff. I had been eating way too much refined carb, before, and other stuff not good for this body. Tallis has been gallant and hilarious, as always, bless him. He had a brilliant P/T conference, his last in Middle School. He wrote a heartbreakingly-lovely school paper, from his brother's POV, about autism and escaping into video games, where he can forget all the stress of coping with life. Tallis is in another movie, to be filmed next month. Theo has been very challenging tonight, in every way possible . . . I cried while doing the dishes. Thank God Terry is home to be there for all of us. Something has to break soon.

They chose someone else, which is both a great bummer and something of a relief, I guess. I would have liked to direct that movie, very much, but I think things are cleaner doing just "The Dark Horse". We progress, slowly. The script keeps getting revised, and we keep slowly adding key staff. But we need more money, and soon, if we are going to keep crewing up. Praying hard. It is a tough time to believe that all the money and staff will come together . . . holding on to faith.

I had a wonderful time at our third fundraising party tonight in Bellevue. Some wonderful people came, and I appreciated meeting all of them. 25 people seems like just the right amount. Blessed Crystal did her usual fabulous job presenting the short films; Larry was wonderful, speaking modestly of his myriad groundbreaking movies, and I discovered that I am much better with cue cards. Folks said that it was much better than the Orcas version. They really liked my two shorts, which made me smile. My mother and brother were there, which made me very happy. And many friends showed up too, some from other films. We had Number Two Party Saturday night up on Orcas, and that went well, but we learned some things - like the fact that I can't have too many constraints on what I'm saying, because if I do, it can lack some passion. According to the team, anyway. So, now we pray that the people like the script and write lots of happy checks . . . Much to raise before we can truly begin. Also waiting on hearing about another job, she said mysteriously . . .

The "Expiration Date" premiere went very well, they laughed, they cried, they clapped and cheered spontaneously when William arrived to stop Charlie from being attacked by Milk Trucks. I cried too. It is really beautiful forty feet high. Liked seeing my name/Terry's/Tallis' names go by too. Very happy watching it. Loved the happy audience. Much laughter. I saw Rick before the show and he said "oh, I didn't know you were coming down." He forgot. Which was why I missed the Before Party with the Indian dancers . . . Just hung around the hotel. But the nap was good. I did get in though, with my carefully pre-purchased ticket, though I was one of the last ones. It was completely sold out. Had a good talk with Robert and Melanie, saw baby pictures. Had good talks with Sascha, Mark F., Nakota the child actor/dancer in the movie; Dee: I love that woman. But the weirdest part was when I introduced myself to Patrice (co-Exec on Exp. Date). She loved my script of "Dark Horse", and said that Rick and Decathlon should do it, I said "Tell him that, I don't think he wants to." So she did! She walked right up to him and said "I got this script from the Moseleys, Decathlon should do this, we all need to work together in Seattle, it's a wonderful script." She is very sweet. Midnight Sat.: I had my first Hollywood interview today to possibly direct a movie down there! The chances are not great, of course, that I will get the job, but when they called on Wednesday out of the blue, and I was going to be in the L.A. area anyway this weekend for the "Expiration Date" premiere, it seemed that I should do the meeting, even though I am in serious pre-preproduction on "Dark Horse". Crazy not to at least go see. I want it . . . but only if it is right. It's not like there are bad options; either way is great. Either way I am quite possibly directing this year. Which still gives me shivers of joy to contemplate. Won't know until the end of January, and I must obviously proceed with "Dark Horse" as if it isn't happening, because it probably isn't . . . that shoot would of course have to be postponed for one or two months if I got the Hollywood job.

Found out today that my screenplay, "Love Letters of a Portuguese Nun", is a finalist in the First Glance Feature-Length Screenplay Competition.

Woo-hoooo!

All digits crossed . . . that's two now . . .

Filmed another day with the Dead Gentlemen on a wonderful short soon to be released on their podcast, "Dead Gentlemen Presents". I was both First A.D. and Script Supervisor, which was at times a bit schizoid. But what fun I had. I probably shouldn't mention much about it yet, as it hasn't been released. But it was hilarious! Man, I love those guys.

Progress continues toward "The Dark Horse". Slow, but hopefully sure. There is drama. There is angst. There is worry. It is tough to proceed with as little money as we have.

We have raised more than I have ever raised for a project before, but it is already spent. That's the part that scares me so much . . . our overhead is high . . .

Trying to trust. Praying. And terrified.

Terry and Tallis' opening night at ACT was last night, and it was absolutely wonderful. Tamia and I worked today, editing "An Eye for an Eye", though both of us were way underslept. There were some challenges, export-wise. Working on. We hope to get a rough cut done this week, with Ben's help, then get it to Steve and Dave next week for sound/music.

I am filming with the Dead Gentlemen on Saturday, being Ben's 1st AD, which will be a blast.

And then there's my "Dark Horse" . . . and with Terry and Tallis working in "Christmas Carol", Theo and I are joined at the hip much of the time. He keeps begging to go to the mall to play at the Apple Store, because we don't have the videogame he likes. He has been really cute with 7-month old Tesseract the kitten lately. She loves playing in/near water, so he has becoame addicted to baths. She paws at bath toys. He giggles. Both very happy.

We went to see Santa over the weekend, and he said it was his favorite thing ever, and he keeps saying that Tallis needs to go too. He wants Tallis to have a stocking!

Theo misses his Daddy a lot though. He just said "Tomorrow might be snowy, and then we can have a snowball fight with my Dad." Tonight, although it's Monday, actors' night off, Tallis is recording a radio play in Bellevue, so they are over there taping it. It will play on Christmas night. That kids works a lot. Which seems to make him happy.

It went well!

For a first effort, it really went surprisingly well. We handed out all the scripts we brought, and many business cards, and got one firm promise of help, and another today. HUGE sigh of relief.

Wonderful Crystal did a bang-up slideshow for us, and was able to play my short film, even though I (doh!) didnt' get it to her ahead of time. And she made fabulous take-home horse cookies that everyone commented on. Jules was a total darling, creating piles of paperwork, scripts, business cards, and many other necessaries. Laura rocked my world as a poised and generous spokeswoman, praising me and setting up the script perfectly. Tamia was there, looking gorgeous in black and red cowboy boots, and being the artistic light of the party. She brought her beloved, John, whom I forgot to brag on. Charity was poised and perfect. Lila and Duncan did the gussied-up schmoozing thing, and passed out scripts with a smile. Bill totally charmed everyone in sight, as ever, bless him. One of our benefactresses was the perfect audience, asking just the right questions. My Mom came and was very moved by all the slides of Orcas, praising my photography, and our presentation.

Our team rocked.

Now, we wait to see if they like the script, and if the Canadian producer liked it, and if the Big Deal Hollywood producer likes it . . .

All digits crossed.

I have a lot to be thankful for tomorrow for Thanksgiving.

Thank God for supportive friends.

Our website is launched tonight, crafted by Scott C. Brown! Its address:

http://www.thedarkhorsemovie.com" title="http://www.thedarkhorsemovie.com" target="_blank"http://www.thedarkhorsemovie....

It's a start. And our first fundraising party is the 22nd, so cross any spare fingers, please!

And we have the beginnings of a staff! In addition to Laura and me, now we have Jules, Charity, and Crystal. So far, only women, which is interesting. It can't last long, but it's fun for now to sit around a table and see only The Gals.

Very exciting. And scary. And exciting. Did I mention scary?

We are getting a meeting together for our staff so far, this Saturday at 2.

Seven souls will meet to discuss the future of our fledgling film company.

All fingers crossed . . .

The final day of shooting "Eye" was an absolute deluge in the scrapyard, as Tamia, Terry and I got the first sequence. It was good, I think. Very wet, but good.

We scouted all the cars while Terry waited in the car, declining to film in the one with the dead rabbit or the one that smelled to high heaven, and then we found a row of minivans near the back, and rejoiced. Many possibilities.

I made stage blood and poured it down Terry's face, and then we went to work. I held the bounce board, Tamia shot, and we were done in about an hour.

That footage, combined with the awesome work Bill did last week, ought to do it.

Now to get the thing edited, while simultaneously working on "Dark Horse" pre-pro . . .

And Terry and Tallis are doint "Christmas Carol" at ACT again, so I am on Theo every aft. and night.

Whew . . . I really need an assistant!

Well, I am plumb tuckered, but suffice to say that Day 2 was a dream of dreams, and Day 3 even better, if that is possible. This whole shoot has been blessed beyond belief. We are, at this point, only owing a couple of scenes tomorrow and we are there. Unbelievable.

Yesterday we shot some very moving stuff in our living room (Terry), kitchen (Pam), driveway, and backyard. SO wierd seeing all the equipment piled up in one's normal living space, and lights and crew everywhere.

Because, for a wonder, it didn't rain, yesterday we shot out the car 'chase' sequence. I had some trouble, for the first time, giving direction, but it got sorted out. And we got some very funny stuff on the melon scene.

Then today, after a horrendous commute in the driving rain and wind, we did the bullet-making scene in my Daddy's shop (I got teary - haven't been in there since he died as far as I can remember), and then shot the handoff scene down by the Tennis Club fence in the rain. Incredible filmmaking by all.

Then we had our hot lunch at 3 as planned, sitting in Mom's dining room, feeding her turkey, and relaxing together, before repairing to the study to watch Bill's excellent movie "Classified", my "Dancing With You", and today's footage, which rocked my WORLD! It looked like film, it looked like "Law and Order". At least to me.

Then Mom politely kicked us out. She had graciously put up with us all day and it was time.

A completely fabulous day.

I am very grateful.

Day 1 of "An Eye for an Eye" went well!!!!!!

HUGE sigh of relief. I am happy. Very.

Greatest thing of the day: working with Terry. He was, of course, amazing. I am so lucky to be married to such a subtle, ingenious, generous actor (and human!). Thanks be to God.

Other greatest thing: Tamia, Neill, Bill, Ben, and ALL the crew (bless Jeremy, Paul, and, briefly, Hugh) are completely wonderful. I cannot be more thankful for our amazing first day. What a delight shooting with a team of professional, focused, dedicated folks. And with such a script! The story is everything . . . Dave. What a writer.

Today we shot Terry, Pam, and Eleanor, and Tamia and Neill made them look amazing. And they themselves are so seamlessly wonderful at their craft that I had very little to do. Casting really is most of it, and of course it’s the same with crew. Ahhh, trained actors, and crew who are so excellent that the director mostly sits back and marvels . . . wow.

We got our bedroom cleaned up. Barely. Terry carried piles of medieval costumes, utensils, boots, weapons, and other (very) miscellaneous materiél from our bedroom to my laden office for five hours last night, finishing at nearly midnight. I finished ‘sorting’ it off of the dining table at 3:30 a.m., then woke at 5:30, of course waking Terry - I set my alarm for 6:30 but forgot the time change! Woke again at 6:30.

Ben the bus rider is staying with us so he doesn’t have to take the bus from Tacoma. So the cats were disgruntled to be locked out of all bedrooms.

But not as disgruntled as they were when jailed in (sadly non-pregnant) Titania’s birthing cage in the laundry room for much of the day . . . broke my heart. But we had the front door totally open, of course, so they would have escaped.

We shot here in our house, which was amazing. Had twelve people traipsing in and out of the rain carrying all the equipment, and crowding into the narrow hallway, and at one point Neill was lying over the bed changing out a stinger (he stayed there for the shot too, which was great). He also pushed dolly all day. Which is not his usual job description. And Tamia worked with three broken ribs and a probably-broken wrist from an accident three days ago, bless her. I love these people very much.

We made our day, and then some, thanks to Tamia’s incredible storyboards and shot list. She was right to insist on two extra weeks for the pre-production.

As it is, with no budget, everybody is still doing too may jobs, very much me included. If I weren’t dressing the set, and trying to keep everybody fed all day, and stressing about building the props, etc . . . I might be less . . . underslept.

But it is all a learning curve. I really respect the people who really do the things I have been faking all week . . . wow.

Today was an easy day, as it was all inside.

Tomorrow we may be out in the rain some.

And more and more of each day will be exteriors.

Wish I had more rain cover . . . worried about a wet camera and an unhappy crew . . .

But life is good. Looking forward to a real sleep tonight.

Tomorrow at 8 am we commence to film "An Eye for an Eye", David Hodel's excellent script. It has been a very difficult pre-pro. We lost our great location today, and I had to scramble to find another, and will have to most of tonight, because the only location we have left is . . . our house. The horror. The bedroom is . . . not ready.

I am Props, Craft Services, Catering, oh, and Director. Bought 300 bucks worth of food today, and am trying to store it all in my house. Will be up making props after I rototill the bedroom.

Life in independent film.

The budget is 2k, but if we were just being paid our low, indie day rates, to shoot it would be more like 16k.

WHEEE!

Going to make an envelope of fake money.

Miss you, Art Department . . .

And Catering . . .

And Craftie . . .

I hope I can concentrate on my real job tomorrow . . .

We are having a gala for the feature in three weeks, and I am trying to put it together singlehandedly at this point, though several folks have said they might help out if I get it more together. Very exciting, and scary beyond belief.

What if nobody comes? What if nobody invests? We must absolutely film in May, it is the only chance to film in the islands. What if my new version of the script isn't ready?

Trying not to freak out, but to trust God. Managing it only some of the time.

People will want to invest, I keep telling myself, as I freak. They have to want to.

Pitching scripts in the morning to a new producer . . . praying it goes well . . .

And then I am filming the short next week . . . and I need to rewrite the script, everyone wants the new version . . .

I am beginning to interview for an assistant, as it is apparent that I cannot continue this way.

God be with all of this . . . if we raise enough money, we are doing this. It is getting real.

The "Christian Wisywyg Film Festival" was a blast. It was a day-trip, 4am to 11pm, sadly necessary because of Terry's work schedule, our kid/money sitch, and the fact that I am doing three jobs at once right now. Otherwise I would have stayed at my dear friend Gretchen's house, which I really hope to do next time. I've never even seen her house, and she is one of my two oldest friends. She drove two hours into town and two hours back, for a screening of a ten minute movie. I love this woman!

At the festival, I went to two church services (yes, church at a film festival - surreal and wonderful!). At one of them, a minister said he thought there was someone who needed to come down for prayer for release of finances for a film. I went down to the front; my heart on fire.

The minister put his hand on my forehead, and began praying for the breaking off of confusion and discouragement related to the film. He also said he felt that God would say to me: "You haven't missed it, I am with you." (I began weeping copiously at this point.) He said that he saw two others that need to stand with me. They don't know it yet, but God knows who they are.

Whew. Kind of exactly what I needed to hear. We need to raise this budget, and soon. And I have been panicking at the enormity of the task, and my utter fear of not being up to it.

Then the screening was a complete joy. And as they applauded, they made me get up and take a bow after it, to more applause; a first in my experience. And many many folks said they loved it.

It was a very good day.

Now I am faced with the realities of current life: in serious preproduction for a short film I a shooting in a week in Seattle, while simultaneously working to raise the money for my feature. "To-Do lists" a mile long each day, and fewer hours to to them in because of my chronic fatigue and kid duties. When you get up at noon, and have to drive the carpool at three, and have to entertain and feed very energetic boys until bedtime, and then get to work at ten, it's hard to get a normal days' work in!

God, please heal my body so that I can do this, please . . . please provide funds for an assistant so that I can do all the work I need to . . . the sea is very big and my boat feels very small . . .

It looks like we might (cross all digits) be looking at actually going ahead with filming my feature! We raised our first serious money toward the production of my script, "The Dark Horse", on Saturday. We are continuing to raise money, and we are looking to film in May 2006, if all goes well. I hesitate to say much more, as it is all so tentative just now, but if you have a spare prayer . . . we need much, much more money to make it happen.

Also, I am in preproduction on yet another short, "An Eye for an Eye", to be filmed in two weeks. A great script by my friend Dave, with an awesome team. Very very exciting.

Making movies over here!

Praise be to God . . .

I just found out that they are teaching blogging at my kids' school. I love that! They are organizing notes for papers, and keeping journals on a blog. I can't believe what these kids will know when they are adults. Heck, what they know now.

I hand-wrote all my papers. Even in college, the first bit, and then I typed them, laboriously. There were a few geeks who went over to the computer lab and did papers there, but hand-writing them was okay my first year in college.

I'm dating myself.

How many times I had to type over every page . . . wow.

And now I have my friendly little blog to share my wacky filmmaking efforts.

Life is good.

I just came back from a surreal and amazing trip to California, to attend the International Family Film Festival in Valencia, for "Dancing With You''s screening, and then the next day to Palm Springs for the Palm Springs Short Film Market.

IFFF was so weird . . . my excellent friend Mark came, and also Leslie La Page, founder of the L.A. Femme Film Festival - she who will be forever blessed and hallowed for supporting me through serious viccissitudes; she who is representing the short toward distribution. This darling drove all the way up from San Diego, running in at the last minute to watch my ten minutes, and an interminable, terrible feature afterwards. Then away and back to San Diego the next morning. Sigh. Bless her generous, longsuffering heart. A kind of depressing night, all around.

Spent the night in a nasty-smelling hotel room.

Then, drove 2 1/2 hours down to Palm Springs, watching the temperature rise on the car thermometer. Finally found the proper hotel, and finally found the mall where the theatre and market were. Then I ate the amazing free Indian food, and settled in to pitch to four wonderful, kind, and receptive industry people looking for shorts. At one time I passed Rick, strangely, as he and Julie sat watching a short on the little T.V.s and headphones that they had there. He was on his way to Sedona to shoot another end-title sequence for "Expiration Date".

Saw the excellent festival winners in the award program, only slightly jealous of their awards (I lie, I was green!). Then went to the poolside party at the Hilton, my hotel, and ate the nice veggies and drank a glass of wine and schmoozed with the local high school girls who had kindly booked me into the pitch slots. Talked to a few drunks, then did some serious people-watching, and went to bed, watching odd Christian T.V.

In the morning I actually swam in the pool at 9 a.m., because I swore to myself that I would. When I got out it was about 90 or so. So when I got dressed I was pitted out before I got to the car. Drove back to L.A. in my rented convertible sportscar (they were out of compacts so gave it to me for compact price!), and had a fabulous fun lunch with Haynes and Chris Riley, checking in with Barbara and Jack and Tom Deason too. Very cool.

Then home.

I am exhausted.

Met with Laura, down from Canada, and some investors today, and we have our first small money towrd making our movie.

God's will be done!!!!

at Slamdance . . .

Oh well, a semifinalist is better than a sharp stick in the eye, I guess . . .

"Dancing With You", will screen at the Golden Lion Film Festival, in Africa!

October 15-22, 2005

Venue: Tiger City Cinema Complex, Manzini, Swaziland. They offer free safaris if you go . . . Sigh. Too expensive, and then there are the shots and the long flights with toxic fumes . . . agh! I would loev to go, but no.

But then, it will screen at the

Christian Wysiwyg Film Fest., Thursday October 20, between 2 and 4 pm.

1970 Ocean Avenue
San Francisco, CA 94127
415.333.0384
http://www.wysiwygfilmworks.com/filmfest.htm" title="http://www.wysiwygfilmworks.com/filmfest.htm" target="_blank"http://www.wysiwygfilmworks.c...

That will be screening number 14, and I am definitely going. Yay!